


Balance

by sasha_james



Series: The TimSasha chronicles [4]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Desolation Avatar Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), F/M, Grief/Mourning, Mirror Universe, Sasha James Dies, Sasha James Lives, Supernatural Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25905016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasha_james/pseuds/sasha_james
Summary: If only we could go back to how things used to be...Sasha is weak and ill from her contact with the End, and Tim is as rash as ever.Even after tragedy, love can still be found.(An End!Sasha/Desolation!Tim work.)
Relationships: Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Series: The TimSasha chronicles [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775998
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Balance

**Author's Note:**

> This work contains spoilers pertaining to canon Sasha and Tim. Please proceed with caution.
> 
> CW: cursing, grief, death, slight nonreality, cryptid notions.

"Where am I?"

Sasha James stumbled about. The sudden darkness was startling. Her torch did little good against the gaping black. She shivered as the freezing air pierced through her sweater. Her long hair danced in the breeze. The only noise was faint tinkling: the sound of glass clinking.

"What's going on?"

The last thing Sasha remembered... she was in the archives. Someone was there, she saw someone... and then...

...she woke up in this place.

The room--was it even a room?--seemed endless. She couldn't reach any walls. She stumbled through the pitch, unable to see anything but her torch in front of her. She walked for what could have been minutes or hours. Her legs burned. Her nose was numb.

Then, she saw something. A glint, a glimmer, a flash. Her heart skipped a beat. Dropping her torch, she ran towards it. Her fingers were numb from the chill. She reached her arms out to the source and touched...

...glass.

Sasha frowned in confusion. She pressed her palms to the surface: it was cold as ice. She peered through it. 

Through the glass, she could see a man, walking in his office. His back was turned to her. She knocked, but he didn't respond. Sighing, she leaned her forehead against the frigid surface. 

Then, the man moved. He turned, and walked across the room towards her. She gasped. The man was her boss, Elias Bouchard. He stared at her. No, not at her, through her. He fixed his mustache, face deep in thought. Then, he walked away.

In that instant, Sasha realized: this wasn't a glass. It was a mirror. And she was stuck on the other side, where no one could see her.

Her heart dropped. She began to pound on the glass, screaming at the top of her lungs. In the light coming through the window, she could see her breath, a white cloud in front of her. 

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP ME!"

She shouted until her voice grew hoarse, punched until her fists were black and blue (or perhaps that was from the cold). Elias didn't move a muscle. 

Sasha stepped back from the mirror. Her adrenaline left her body, and the cold seeped in once again. Hopeless, Sasha crouched down and cried.

...

She had no idea how long it had been. Time worked differently here. She didn't notice her shivering anymore. She was used to working with numb fingers. Nothing brought warmth to this place, not even light.

She had been watching out the mirrors for some time now. She discovered that she could peer out any mirror, not just Elias's. She watched her workmates. She watched Tim. And she watched the new employee, Sasha, who stole her identity and her place. Sasha knew that this "not-Sasha" was the one who trapped her here. She watched as the fraud destroyed her life, helpless behind the glass.

Sasha knew she needed to escape this dark prison. But she had no idea how. She tried everything. No matter how far she travelled, this plane of existence had no end. The mirrors didn't break. The floor couldn't be dug. She was trapped.

Sasha couldn't bear to watch not-Sasha through the mirror. The wretch ruined everything she touched. She destroyed her friends' trust in her. She broke Tim's heart. Eventually, Sasha stopped watching. It was better to be blind than to be upset.

Suddenly one day, as fast as it began, it ended. The dark walls began to crack and shatter like glass. A cacophony of crashing overwhelmed her ears. Wrapping her arms around herself, Sasha screamed as this cold world disappeared.

...

Sasha's eyes flutter open. Light hits her eyes, and her pupils contract. Squinting, Sasha weakly attempts to look around. 

"Sasha? Sasha! Oh my god, she's awake!"

Her eyes adjust to the brightness. She lays in Tim's lap, as he kneels on the floor. Jon and Martin are standing above her as well. All of their eyes are wide. She notices Martin's hands shaking.

Sasha closes her eyes, trying to remember what happened. The darkness, the cold. She touches her cheek. Her fingers are still cold as ice.

"Wh-wh..?"

"You were swapped out by the not!Them," Jon explained. "When we sealed it away, you were brought back." Sasha stares at him: as he speaks, faint, white smoke trails from his mouth.

"The mirror closest to us, the one in the hallway, it exploded!" Martin blurted out. "The glass was ice cold to the touch!" He also has thin, light colored smoke coming out of his mouth.

"Just like you," Tim says with a frown, placing a hand on her forehead. Grey smoke floats down towards her. "How do you feel?" 

How does she feel? She focuses on herself.

"Cold. Tired." Her chest shudders as she takes a deep breath. "Glad to be here," she says, smiling weakly.

"Let me take you home," says Tim.

"Wait!" Martin interjects. "Hold one second, please." He dashes off, and returns in a few minutes with a blanket. "It's from my makeshift room, uh, you can have it. Stay warm."

"Thanks," Sasha mumbles as Tim and Martin wrap her in it. Scooping her up, Tim takes her to his car, getting her home.

...

"I'm sorry about everything that happened to you," Sasha whispers. She lay beside Tim, a pile of blankets on top of them. Her head is on his chest, and she curls into him, craving his warmth. It had been a whole day since she came back from the mirror, but she hadn't warmed up a bit.

"Sash, you have nothing to be sorry about. That wasn't you. I'm sorry that you were trapped away like that..."

"She hurt everyone, Tim. She hurt you."

"I know. I know."

"I would never do what she did," Sasha said, assuring herself more than Tim. She could never be as heartless as that creature, could she? "I would never lie like her, hurt like her." She wraps her shivering arms around Tim. "I would never break your heart."

"Sash..." he kisses the top of her head. "I know, I know." He rubs her arms. "Are you still cold? Would you like something to eat?"

"No, I think I'd like to lay here with you a while longer." So, they did.

...

"Tim, you can't keep skipping work because of me. You have a life, I don't want to hold you back." Sasha lay in bed, wearing two sweaters, a blanket up to her chest. "I don't want you to lose everything because of me."

"Jon isn't gonna fire me for taking care of you. He knows what happened. Besides, you're not better. You're still so cold... I can't believe it." He sits in a chair across the narrow bedroom. She's grown accustomed to seeing the grey smoke coming from his mouth. She doesn't know what it is, but she physically can't tell him about it. Her throat won't let her. "I'm not leaving you unattended. What if something happens?"

"Well..." Sasha thinks. "I'm at least a bit stronger than I was a week ago. Take me with you."

"What?"

"You heard me." She sits up, leaning against the backboard. "Take me to work. If I can't get any filing done, at least you can. And you'll be right there if I need anything. I'll nap in my chair if I have to. If Jon won't fire you, Elias might. I don't want you to risk that." She swings her legs over the edge of the bed and tries to stand, instead stumbling.

In an instant, Tim has her shoulders, and he sets her back on the bed. "Sash..."

She shivers, and frowns in thought. "I'm not giving up this easily, Tim. Try and stop me." She scootches to the edge of the bed, and her eyes light up with an idea. 

"Look in the corner of the spare bedroom closet for me..."

...

Tim walks into work, holding the door for Sasha. Sasha follows behind, using her old crutches from when she twisted her ankle in uni. It was still hard to walk, but they supported her, and allowed her to stop and rest when needed. She was just tired of being weak and helpless. She couldn't stand being useless.

Martin greeted them in the lobby. "Tim! Sasha! Oh wow, it feels like forever since I've seen you guys." He hangs up his overcoat, and opens the door for the duo. "I'll get some tea on, yeah!"

Sasha hobbles to her desk, collapsing into her chair. Her hands are shaking, and her shoulders hurt from the crutches, but she's glad to be out of bed. She smooths her skirt with her pale fingers, and pulls her coat a bit tighter around her. She sees Tim flash a thumbs up at her from his desk, shooting her a cheeky grin. She smiles back at him.

Rosie walks into the room, a lady following behind her. "Hi love! Good to see ya. We've got a lady here for a statement." The woman's eyes dart around the room, obviously nervous. Either that, or paranoid. Smoke comes from her mouth, black. Sasha frowns, no one's smoke has ever been black before.

"Jon isn't busy, send her in, Rosie," Sasha says, forcing a smile. Rosie directs the nervous woman to Jon's office. Sasha can't help but worry about the smoke. Rubbing her hands together, she leans her head back to rest her eyes.

...

"Are you serious?"

"Why would I joke about something like that?" Jon scolds. "Yes, the woman who gave that statement yesterday was not lying. She was found this morning in her apartment, dead."

Sasha's heart sunk. Dead? She didn't look unhealthy or injured, just nervous.

Then Sasha remembered the smoke. The pitch black smoke flowing from her mouth as she breathed. No... it couldn't...

Could the black smoke predict death? 

"I'll purchase some flowers to send to the family," Martin says. "I wish we could have done something."

"I don't think there was anything to be done," said Sasha, curling her fingers around her tea mug. "It appears that was just her fate."

...

"I cannot BELIEVE you didn't tell me this shit!!" Tim shouts, slamming his fist on the desk.

"Tim..." Martin attempts to quiet him.

"That damned circus... that damn circus has to do with this Unknowing. The same bitch of an entity that sealed away Sasha."

"You'd do best to leave it alone," coos Elias. "You don't know what you're dealing with." Their boss silently slinks back into his office, closing the door behind him.

"You... you bastard!!" Tim lunges towards Elias's office, but Sasha moves in front of him. She's off crutches now, but still frail, sickly, and cold. Tim stops. His eyes are wild with hurt and anger, but he doesn't dare hurt Sasha in his rage.

"Tim, you need to calm down. Please, let's talk about this. We can solve it without getting fired by our prick of a boss." Tim frowns. "I know how much this Unknowing has hurt you. We can stop it, but not if you're fired from the institute."

He curls his hands into fists. He nods. "Alright. Okay. So, what's the plan then huh? How are we going to beat this bitch? I'm obviously not listening to Elias, he never has anything useful to say."

Jon comes in from the next room. "I contacted Daisy and Basira. They're almost here. The four of us will be finding the circus, and confronting the Stranger there." He looks to Martin and Sasha. "You two stay here. Look out for one another." Sasha looks at Martin, who nods at her. She watches a bead of sweat roll down his forehead.

A knock sounds at the door, and Daisy and Basira enter. Daisy, a short, muscular woman with choppy blonde hair and scars. Basira, a tall, Muslim woman with dark skin and a blue headscarf.

"Finally, you're here," Tim said. "Let's kick some Unknowing ass." He slung his coat over his shoulder and rushed towards the door, fueled by impatience and anger. His smoke trailed from his lips, pure black. Sasha's breath caught in her throat.

"Tim!--" Sasha gasped, reaching out to him and grabbing his wrist from behind. "Please, think this through, don't go--"

Tim hesitated, and then pulled away. "I'm sorry Sash," he says, glancing at her over his shoulder. "But you can't stop me. These bastards killed Danny. They could've killed you. They aren't escaping me again."

Sasha wanted to argue, to tell him that he might not escape alive, but her throat wouldn't work. She stared helplessly into Tim's hard, angry eyes. He turned back to the door. 

"Let's go, everyone," he said, before racing out the door. Sasha cried out, reaching for him, and attempted to chase after him, but she was too weak, and her body couldn't handle the exertion. Her legs collapsed. Her breath grew shallow and fast, her shivers grew stronger. She could feel her heart pounding, and could hear the blood rushing through her icy ears. She couldn't stop him.

In an instant, Martin was at her side. "Sasha? Sasha!" She was too rattled to respond. He grabbed her arms, holding onto her.

"Daisy, Basira, go after Tim. I'll be there in a second," Jon said. He watched the ladies leave, and then turned to his other co-workers.

"Martin, get Sasha to the bedroom. Get her warm and keep her safe." Martin nods at Jon, rubbing Sasha's trembling arms. Her knees ached from the fall, but she didn't care.

"Jon," Sasha whispered, voice hoarse with stress. "Look after Tim." She looked up to him, tears in her eyes. "Please--" she shouted, more desperately than she'd ever sounded before, "--don't let him die!"

Jon frowned. "I'll do my best, Sasha. I have to catch up with the others. Stay safe, we will return as soon as possible." Then, he left, leaving Sasha and Martin alone.

...

"Are you alright, Sasha?" asked Martin, sitting in a chair beside the bed. She lay on her side, quilt tucked up to her chin. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking. She was so cold... had she gotten colder? She wondered what the thermometer would read if someone took her temperature.

"I'm... I'm alright Martin. Thanks." She can't tell him about the smoke, about Tim. Her mind was twisted with worry and her stomach felt sick. She couldn't do anything to help him. Again. She was tired of feeling useless. If she wasn't so weak, she could've gone with them and protected him. She could be doing more than lying beneath a grandma quilt in the stuffy, makeshift office bedroom. 

"Yeah, okay. Try and get some rest? Maybe you'll feel better by the time everyone gets back...or something," Martin said. Very assuring. Sasha nodded and curled into the fetal position, trying to feel her own body heat. Was there any heat at all? How was she still alive at this point?

At some point, she must have fallen asleep, passing out either from exhaustion or the cold. She awoke some time later, hearing footsteps and whispering. She jolted up in the bed. "Hello?"

Martin creaked the door open. "Hi Sash," he says quietly, a somber look on his face. They're back.

Sasha's heart drops to her stomach. She feels her head get dizzy. Something's wrong. Something's very wrong. In an instant, she's out of the bed, stumbling towards the door. Martin grabs her by the elbow. "Sasha, maybe you should stay in bed--"

"No," says Jon's voice from outside the bedroom. He sounds weary. "Let her come out."

Martin leads Sasha out of the bedroom. She lets go of him and looks around the room. Basira and Daisy are standing side by side. Jon is leaning down, palms on his desk. No one makes eye contact with her. Tim is nowhere in sight.

"Guys... where's Tim," Sasha asks, voice quivering uncontrollably. The room stays silent. Basira looks up at her. Jon shakes his head.

"No..." Sasha says. "No...no..." She clutches her head with her frigid hands, squeezing it as if that will make it better. Her breaths are coming faster. In a panic, she collapses to the floor. Tears roll down her cheeks, and she punches the floor. Then she takes a shaky breath and screams, a terrible, heartbroken shriek.

"NO!! YOU PROMISED, JON!!" She looks at him, glaring at him through teary eyes. "You promised to watch him!! You... you promised..." The energy leaves her body, and she falls slack in a fit of tears. Her frail body shook with sobs. Martin and Basira reach out to steady her.

"Sasha, we--we did what we could. The Unknowing was in our heads. Tim... he sacrificed himself to save us all. The circus is gone, he did what he promised," Basira said, rubbing Sasha's shoulders. Sasha shook her head.

"He shouldn't have had to do that..."

"He did it. He did it for us, and he did it for you, Sasha," said Jon. "We couldn't stop him, and we can't change the past."

"Well, he shouldn't have done it!!!" Sasha shouts. "He... he should've come back. He deserved to live..."

Martin places his hands under her arms, pulling her to stand, and wrapped his large arms around her small body. Sasha hesitated, in shock, and then laid her chin on his broad shoulders and hugged him back, squeezing him tight.

"I'm so sorry, Sasha," he whispers.

She says nothing. She has nothing to say anymore.

...

Sasha lay in the bed, motionless. All her motivation to be useful had left her body. She drifted in and out of consciousness, occasionally falling into deep enough sleep to have dreams. The shivering and trembling was worse than ever, and never stopped. She had no tears left to cry. She refused to eat or drink. Basically, she had given up.

Her mindset was broken. She usually would try to get up and move on, but this was different. She was sick, infected by the mirror realm. Even after the months of being away, the cold never ceased. Her strength was wasted away. She couldn't concentrate, tired easily, and didn't have Tim anymore to help her out. She was, as she feared, useless. 

The only thing she gave much thought to was her dreams. She constantly had vivid dreams, always taking place in cold, dark places, similar to the mirror realm. Sometimes she heard the shuffling of sand, sometimes the whistling of wind, sometimes the tinkling of bells. There was scentless smoke, and a voice which seemed to be calling her. Each dream, the voice got closer. It beckoned her. It needed her.

Sasha suddenly was possessed with the urge to sit up. She did. The bedroom was dark, and the institute was quiet. A smoke began to fill the room. Sasha felt panic rise in her, but it lessened as she realized the smoke came from no fire. It had no smell. It almost seemed to hug her, comfort her. Though the temperature in the room dropped, it was calming and friendly. Sasha felt her muscles relax.

"Hello?" she whispers. She feels a presence, but no one answers. She smiles.

"Have you come for me? Are you who's made me cold and weak?" Still no answer. Even so, Sasha was unafraid. Without Tim, she had no reason for anything. She held out her arms, accepting this entity. It swelled inside her and sent energy through her body. She felt strength surge inside her, before passing out, a smile on her lips.

...

"And this," the voice said from the shadows, "is Sasha James." 

Sasha stepped forward, a blank look on her face. Most of the other avatars in the old room had no smoke coming from their mouths: they were already dead; or possibly immortal. She greeted them all with a sharp nod. 

"But a small lass. What have you been cursed to do, hm?" asked someone, a small, angry man.

"I am an avatar of the End." She glances around the room. "I can see who is fated to die soon. I can also change people's fate for the worse." She adjusts the sleeves of her shirt coldly. Wordlessly, she joins the others. Some wear plastic faces, some are surrounded by fog, and some have faces twisted with cruelty and rage.

The shadowed face left, dismissing the misfit avatars from the room without a word. The air trembles with power and evil. As the room clears, a woman with a dark pixie cut approaches Sasha. Her skin glows with a waxy appearance.

"So, you're Sasha, huh?"

"Excuse me?"

"I met a guy, found him wandering the alley in a delirium, talking of a woman named Sasha. I took him to my flat, but he hasn't said anything except your name. Perhaps you know him?"

Sasha inhales. A man who knows her...No--no. It couldn't be, he had died, was completely destroyed by the explosion... However, she had nothing to lose, meeting this mystery man. "Take me too him."

Sasha began to follow the stocky woman down the dark streets. The two wound their way through the city, practically unseen. The distance they walked would have been exhausting for a normal human, but for avatars it was a breeze. They could have walked for 10 minutes or an hour, who needs a concept of time when your life is ruled by death. Finally, the approached the building: a one-story apartment complex in the outskirts of town. It seemed to glow from the inside. The dark-haired woman unlocked the door, and Sasha stepped in.

Inside, there was a tan couch, and sitting on that couch was a man, head in his hands, face hidden. He wore a tattered and burnt button-up. He didn't even look up when the two women entered the room, consumed by his own thoughts.

Sasha's eyes widened. He had worm scars along his exposed arms. She knew that gaudy, tattered Hawaiian shirt. "...Tim?"

The man visibly tensed. He slowly lifted his head and turned to face her. Sasha looked into familiar, brown eyes, though they had a new glow to them. She saw him quiver, and watched as he stood up as fast as he could. His gaze never left hers.

"Tim, is it really you?" Sasha said, crossing the room towards him. He crossed the room as well, and the two met in the middle. He radiated a comforting heat, though his hands appeared to have melting wax on them, and he seemed to be covered in soot and ash. Sasha didn't care. 

"Sasha..." he breathed. His eyes drank in every inch of her. "Oh my God...Sasha...is it really you?" 

"Tim!!!" she cries, and reaches for him with open arms, overjoyed. However, before she can reach him, he steps away in panic.

"Tim? W--what's wrong?"

"Sasha...you can't touch me. I'll hurt you."

"Hurt you?" asks Sasha, taking another step towards him. "What do you mean?"

"The explosion. It didn't kill me--it initiated me. I was taken, saved by the Desolation entity. I'm alive, but my skin--its like fire. I get thoughts...the desire to burn things, explode things, hurt people." He trails off. He shakes his head, regaining his focus. "If you touch me I'll burn you. I'm not safe."

Gently, Sasha takes her hand from her side, and lifts it to Tim's face. She hesitates a second, hand hovering over his skin. She sees him tremble. Then she places her hand on his cheek. He almost jerks away, but his eyes widen.

"Tim, I'm not scared of you."

"Sash, your hand--its so cold. It's like ice, what--?"

"You're not the only new avatar in town, Tim," she says. "I thought you died. I was so sad, so heartbroken. That's when the End found me." She smiles. "It wasn't scary. I'm glad. I'm strong again. I can feel it inside me, like a tight squeeze of a hug. And--it brought me back to you."

"That's why you're cold!" Tim says, realization hitting his face. 

"And you're hot. Not that that's anything new," Sasha says with a cheeky grin, before grabbing his burnt shirt collar with her other hand and pulling him into a kiss. Her hands run through his hair, and he wraps his arms around her waist. They really do fit perfectly together.

"'m so sorry for leaving you," Tim murmurs into Sasha's lips. She puts her hands on her hips in response, raising a dark eyebrow.

"You'd better be sorry. And you'd better make it up to me!" She holds out her hand. "What would you like to go do?"

"Burn shit." He doesn't hesitate. "I want to burn things and watch the destruction."

Sasha laughs coldly. "Perhaps some lives will be lost in the chaos. Partners in crime, huh?"

"Partners." Tim takes Sasha's outstretched hand. His warmth and her cold blend beautifully, and they balance perfectly. The duo heads off into the night, ready to spread fear through the city.

**Author's Note:**

> So... End!Sasha and Desolation!Tim, huh?
> 
> Basically I claim that the End claimed the other side of mirrors.
> 
> Leave a comment if you want a Part 2: The Adventures of this Dangerous Duo!
> 
> If you love TimSasha, you should also check out my other works, found in the "TimSasha chronicals" series collection!!!
> 
> TYSM for reading! I love you!


End file.
